Once More, Dear Friends, Into the Breach …
by Greg Moody
MR. BITTERMAN’S GARDEN (4/21/21)
(Greg Moody is a 46 Year Veteran of TV News Who Has Been Gardening with his Simian Companion, Mr. Bitterman, as well as Bitterman’s Assistants, Furious George and Young Otis Gumpox, since 2010. He began writing of their adventures together in 2016.)
It has been interesting.
After a relatively dry winter, at least by what I consider a dry winter, March and April have been dumping on us pretty good, every other week.
70–67–72–16–14–23.
Good Lottery numbers, lousy temperatures.
Essentially, between the storms, we’ve been working on the soil, building compost out of coffee grounds and egg shells and spreading it through all the gardens and pots. What will this accomplish? Lord only knows, but it did give us something to do this winter.
NICK:
Nick has had his share of troubles over the past few seasons, mainly due to depleted soil, simply because he hasn’t gotten the love and attention of the others. We really focused on building him up this year with fertilizer, calcium and the compost concoction. At this precise moment, I’m not sure what’s going in him this year. The master plot is downstairs and I’m too lazy to go get it.
NORA:
Nora has really been the pride and joy over the past few years. She’s the biggest garden and has had the most success with tomatoes and pumpkins. As you may remember, the pumpkins went crazy last season and took over the pine tree in the back yard. We’re hoping for continued success this year, to the point that I am already working on a pumpkin hammock design if one climbs the tree again.
ASTA:
Asta has become the dedicated pepper garden again with this year’s crop being Hatch Medium, Hatch Mild and two Ghost Peppers. Part of the winter was spent enjoying ghost peppers whenever we could, along with any number of other exotic hot sauces. Enjoying may be too strong a word, now that I think of it. Thought it might be fun to grow a few and watch the squirrels bite into them.
BUTTERFLY GARDEN:
Every spring is spent adding new soil to the butterfly garden in the hopes that we can have a full season of wild flowers and herbs. We’ve already got borage going indoors, all in the hope of getting it into the garden well grown, first thing. It’s a good bee attracting crop, and, since we’ll be raising bees about four feet to the right of this picture, it should be an interesting summer.
My hobbies used to be a lot cheaper.
(Actually, I can’t back that up. All my hobbies since childhood have been expensive, equipment intensive efforts that drained my lackluster bank accounts and eventually wound up in corner of the basement: “Hey, look! Trains! (Or skeet targets or scuba tanks or glass cutters or oil paints or … ad infinitum, ad nauseum.)
MORE BUTTERFLY:
The gardens, I’m pretty sure, are prepped and fertilized and ready to go. The seedlings are progressing well indoors as long as I don’t try to transplant them to fiber pots with my fat little sausage hands. (The tremor doesn’t help either as I tend to spray potting soil all over the kitchen, causing a mess and momentarily burying a sleeping Boston Terrier.)
THE POTS IN QUESTION:
The replanted, transferred, shocked-to-its-very-roots Borage is upfront, while the chiles hang out in the background. The Ghost Peppers are farthest from the camera, just to help you avoid any possible sneezing fit from them being too close.
Meanwhile, Tomatoes, Radishes, Pumpkins and something else I’ve forgotten, are hanging out in the dining room under artificial lights. It is said, well, it’s not said, I just read it someplace, so it might have all the weight of a fact from some guy who makes pillows, but artificial light is better for seedlings as it builds sturdier stems. These are currently in the dining room getting 12-hours of grow-light a day, at which time I get 12-hours a day of inquiries from law enforcement and passersby as to what the hell I’m growing in my dining room.
LITTLETON TRAIN STATION:
Stopped by the Littleton Train Station last night to pick up the boys from the Anaheim Express (Anaheim to Littleton with one stop in East Nowhere, Utah). Mr. Bitterman had been in Anaheim with his mother, while Furious George had joined the train at East Nowhere, where he had been doing some extreme rock riding with Kermit the Frog.
A PHOTO MEMORY OF THE TRIP:
Both are looking quite good, though Furious George spent his time in the Club Car getting Blotto. It was a quiet winter for both as Disneyland was still pretty much shut down due to Covid. They picked up work where they could, but there wasn’t much. They’re always welcome here, but Bitterman promised his mother and Furious is still in a snit with the Bat-Shit Crazy Neighbors about one thing or another, so, he didn’t want to spend his vacation here next door to them and the perpetually dancing martini shaker.
As for Young Otis Gumpox, he’s been working diligently in the basement for the past six months, raising his new kitten and trying to socialize him with the dogs. The Pitty doesn’t mind him, yet, but the Bostons are having none of it.
THIS SEASON’S NEW WATER FEATURE:
Young Otis Gumpox has also been helping with the new water feature built out of Lego Bricks and Silly Putty. At the moment, we’re calling it “The Year in Politics … or Parlor Tricks” take your pick. We’re not sure of either and are looking for something new.
Suggestions are always welcome.
FOR PAST EDITIONS OF “MR. BITTERMAN’S GARDEN” THEY CAN BE FOUND AT: www.mrbittermansgarden.com
